Searching for a Home in the Cyber Age

Sitting at the McDonald's in my old 'hood.  Came here to use my laptop.  Actually sitting in my car, in the shade, with a nice little breeze wafting through my open windows, as I ponder what it would be like to live here again.  Definitely not one of the best neighborhoods around, but not the roughest, either.  Found a small studio on Victory, near Kester, where the manager called me to come back after I decided not to fill out his app, thinking it would be rejected because of my credit and the fact that he would have to run it by the owner, who didn't get to meet me.  Usually, the people I meet are convinced of my sincerity and believe that I will pay the rent -- but if an absentee landlord has to decide, but hasn't met me, he can only go by what he sees on paper -- and I don't look that great in black and white.  You have to see the colorful me to get the full picture!


Nice that the manager called me back and said he would help me out, because he believes I will pay the rent.  The place itself is clean, and the kitchenette looks like it was just built, with a brand-new, built-in microwave and a refrigerator.  The biggest negative is that there is no parking that comes with the apt.  (There are some spaces, but not enough for everyone who lives there.) and the street parking is not only very limited, but also has restrictions at certain times of the day; basically, the rush hour times.  It is close enough to McD's to park in their lot, so I'd have to become friends with the managers of the various shifts, so I could park here whenever I need to.


Humble Beginnings.... I've been in very humble circumstances before.  I can actually name at least 3 vehicles that I have slept in, not just one night while on the road, but for a while.  Ah, yes, that was in the days when I was in a cult.  Wasn't sure until just now if I was ready to let anyone who finds my blog know about that part of my life -- but don't expect the whole story until I write the book--and even then, I'm sure there must be things I've blocked out of my memory.  There are definitely things I have difficulty talking about that I do remember.  Only the closest and most trusted of friends have heard details I'm ashamed to speak of or acknowledge.


Is this where the Lord wants me to be at this stage in my life?  If so, I'll accept it, and I'll put in my time here, trying to learn whatever the current lessons are.  But, I'm concerned that I may not be "tuned in" properly and might commit myself to living someplace that isn't His will.


Even if the neighborhood were great, it's not really close to anything or anyone I want to be near.  It's not a huge distance, but it would be nice to live near a dear friend who is just finishing moving, who will be living near where my little Aubrey lives, so I could be readily available to sit her or her dog when Amy needs me, as I am definitely on "the list" of people to call to help out in that way -- and this summer, I just might be at the top of that list.  If not there, I have another good friend I would like to see more often, whom I might get to see more if I lived closer to her -- and the rents are generally a little lower in that area.


A one-year lease at this no-parking-available location.  That's probably the thing that concerns me the most.  I don't want to make a long-term commitment.  However, the price is really good; it's a price I should be able to afford, and it will enable me to have money for getting my deferred car repairs, make payments on my unpaid medical bills (related to my broken elbow and subsequent surgery), and maybe even finally get the Nikon D-SLR camera I need to be taken seriously as a photographer.  (My 35mm equipment is impressive, but I don't use it anymore, because film and developing are too expensive.  Digital is the only way to go these days.)


I am intelligent, gifted, and creative.  God wants to bless me and lead me in the way He wants me to go, for my own good.  Knowing this, if I yield to Him, pray and listen with my heart, I'm sure He will give me creative ideas to get through this uncertain period in my life.  Maybe patience is the lesson I'm to learn now, and it's not an easy one.


From the depths of my heart, I am grateful to all the friends and family who have put up with me, and who have put me up, during the past 3 years, off and on.  I had a couple of live-in positions during parts of that 3 years, but the gaps were filled in by friends and family who kept me from having to live in my car.  I'm so glad that I helped out some friends back when I was a homeowner, by letting them stay in my new condo (in 1975) and my 3-bedroom house (in 1976), and I also took in a young woman who was battling for custody of her son in 2004.  It makes it feel not quite so hard to take that I'm receiving help now.  Bless my friend Sandy for reminding me of something I had completely forgotten:  Years ago, when she had needed $200 more to be able to go to New York on a missionary trip into the inner city, I said, "I'll give it to you," and immediately wrote her a check for $200.  (After she told me that, I didn't feel bad about eating meals with her and her husband while I was staying with them June 3-17.  I had enjoyed the meals before the revelation, but afterward, the guilt about costing them money to feed me was gone.)  She and Mike were both very sweet to me.


OK, well, I think it's time to leave what may become my new neighborhood and head back to my current temporary residence, with a friend who lives near CSUN.  She is in a soon-to-be transitioning status also, but still told me I could stay with her.  (She's feeding me most of my meals while I'm there, and I know I never gave her $200, so I'll have to think of some way to repay her.)